Given that I have the attention span of a new born puppy, and the motivation of a office worker a year from retirment. I can't see this blog lasting more than a week. Three to be optimistic.
What usually tends to happen for me is that I get really excited about something, have that excitement burn up like a fire cracker and give up on it before anyone had any idea that I had even started. This blog is one of those ideas. Or rather working out is that idea and the blog is my attempt to anchor myself to it.
Currently I'm pretty unfit. Basically a dad body at 20 y/o which is less than ideal. I used to be in pretty good shape back in Japan, but coming to Finland I have not exercised regularly since. It's easy to point fingers at depression to find a reason why I've been so demotivated, but that'd be simplifying an issue where not working out is actually a contributor to the whole depression part. Shit's complicated as they say.
But I did go to the gym today, which honestly felt good. I'm not going to go in to the specifics what I did as I'll probably use this as a platform for my thoughts on my struggling to get motivated and as a way to vent, rather than actually focusing on the working out bit.
As I left the gym it was already 4:30 am as night shifts have gone and absolutely reamed my sleeping schedule. I don't really mind it though as I love the night and the feeling of being alone on a usually busy street, just humming along to the music playing through my earphones. This time it was Modest Mouse's Float On, which bittersweet optimism reminded me that even though I feel like I've really not accomplished much. There's still time for a lot as I continue to float on. And hey, who knows. Maybe this time it is actually the start of something.
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